


Louder Than Thunder

by WingsofFreedom_Humanity



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Levi plays piano, Other, Piano, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29310462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingsofFreedom_Humanity/pseuds/WingsofFreedom_Humanity
Summary: He can’t escape what happened growing up, and he just can’t seem to get the piano melody correct. Levi wasn’t sure what he was actually good for then.
Relationships: Levi/Hange Zoë
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Louder Than Thunder

What would it take? What would it take to finally have silence? To have some form of peace? Was this all he could do to make the memories go away? Levi ground his teeth together, watching in equal parts disgust and fascination as the blade so easily opened the soft skin of his wrist. How many times now? Too many. The man let the blade fall from his fingers and clatter to the floor by the legs of the piano he was seated in front of. His breathing was harsh as slowly, subconsciously his slender fingers began to slide across the keys. The crack of thunder and rain beating the floor length windows was muted as all he could hear were the voices that haunted him from his childhood.

_“Worthless, you were nothing but a mistake that I can take out of this world any time I want to.” A wail cut off as the boy’s own father’s hands closed around his throat. He had already suffered so severely at the hands of his father that day alone, and yet the child simply was incapable of pleasing the drunk man strangling him. Tears ran down his cheeks as he kicked and struggled for breath, Levi wanted to beg his dad for forgiveness, tell him that he would do better and make him happy._

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’ll do better.” Levi choked out, hunching forward over the piano, breathing heavy as his fingers seemed to dance over the keys, reciting the music that had been so violently drilled into his head. He was only worthwhile for his skill. And he had honed it to absolute perfection over the years, earning him a name, a fortune. And for what? He was just as worthless as the day he had been born, Levi could never forget that. The melody had a haunting sound, seeming a mirror for the man’s own grief and pain. He hardly felt the warm blood running down his forearms, dripping onto his pants. The only thing that mattered was that he did it perfectly. Because if he didn’t he’d have to punish himself again, and all he wanted was to rest. But not until it was absolutely perfect. He couldn’t hear the thunder, the rain, and Levi certain couldn’t hear his cellphone ringing and buzzing signaling missed calls and messages. The moment he missed a note a whimper left his throat, no he had to do it over. But first…

Levi didn’t know how long he had been sitting there, playing the piano to get it just right, he didn’t hear his doors open. He didn’t hear them walking through his house, calling his name and certainly following the sound of the piano to where he sat, bloody arms and heavy breathing, playing out the mournful melody.

“Levi!” The shriek and arms wrapping around his waist and dragging him off the bench jerked the black haired man back into reality.

“No! No! I have to get it right! It has to be perfect!” Levi wailed and kicked against the person who held him so tightly. His breathing turning frantic yet as he whipped around to come face to face with a familiar brunette he froze. Tears were running down Hanji’s face as they kept a grip on him. Levi’s lips parted in surprise and horror, no one was supposed to see this. Especially not them, not Hanji.

“I- Hanji-“ He stuttered trying to drag his thoughts together to say something, anything to make it better. To make the person so dear to him stop crying. Slowly he stepped close and wrapped his arms tightly around them, burying his face into their shoulder. He could feel their tears against his neck as they cried, clinging tightly to him.

“I’m sorry.” The words left his lips in a soft whisper as he reached up, gently cradling their head against his neck and holding them tightly against him. What kind of monster was he?

“You can’t leave me, please don’t leave me, I need you, I love you please.” Hanji gasped the words out, refusing to lighten their grip even the slightly but Levi didn’t mind. Being held so tightly felt real, it felt good, and Hanji was so warm and he felt so cold.

“I won’t. I won’t ever leave you.” He murmured softly, continuing to pet their hair. It took some time but finally they stopped crying and dragged him into the bathroom. The brunette cleaned the cuts before wrapping bandaging around them. Levi allowed Hanji to do what they felt necessary to feel better, dragging him to the kitchen to make popcorn and speaking at a million miles an hour, practically vibrating as they spoke. He knew it wasn’t excitement, it was adrenaline and fear. Yet he went along, with being dragged to the couch for a movie marathon. If it made Hanji feel better, then he’d do anything to make them feel better. Eventually the two passed out tangled up on the soft black leather couch, bathed in the blue light of the tv. While it wasn’t a fix, for the time they were both safely curled up under fuzzy, warm blankets, comfortable curled up in each other’s arms.


End file.
